It’s been a little while since my last blog entry. To be honest, I’ve been wrestling with myself over what to write. I’ve struggled with when to write. I’ve even been battling over whether I wanted to write anything at all.
It seems like every time I had an inspired idea or felt like I had something to say, the follow-up thought would be, “What’s the point?” Perhaps I was feeling some type of imposter syndrome.
“Dude, you got problems too. What makes you think you can help anyone with theirs?” I said.
I do have some hurdles still to overcome. Self-doubt being only one of them. But with all the struggles and wins came one very important thing, insight. I think by sharing my experience, I can help others with their own journey of healing. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been fruitful. I call that being alive.
For the purpose of this reading, please keep in mind that I am speaking directly about personal “demons” or “darkness”. I believe these terms relate to the concept of the Yin and Yang energies when it comes to the human condition. We all have a light side and a dark side. It’s our universe to explore! All personal forces are guiding us towards the center of the circle to find balance and harmony within our natural space, our bodies, and our environment. We are in control of our lives! I hope that I can guide you towards that truth.
To be clear, I am not talking about demons, possession, and dark forces that are outside of our person. The only way that I know the difference is that particular energy’s intention, or fruits. As Jesus said, “By their fruits, ye shall know them.” (Matthew 7:15) I believe we all have the intuition to know the difference if we are paying attention.
I do not engage with dark forces or energies except to expel them away from my environment. I use the power in the name of Jesus Christ to command them away. Simple as that. I have heard of other ways of keeping them away, but I’ll leave that for another discussion. The name of Jesus has always been a strong enough weapon for me.
We can’t expel our own darkness. It’s a part of us, a balanced half of our being, and it can be very useful to our human experience if we can avoid getting lost or stuck in it.
“If you’re going through hell, keep on going. Don’t slow down, if you’re scared don’t show it. You might get our before the devil even knows you’re there.” -Rodney Atkins (artist) -Dave Berg, Annie Tate, Sam Tate (songwriters)
When you’re feeling a “dark” emotion or energy (anger, sadness, etc.), it’s a direction sign, not an affliction. It’s a sign!
Remember that scene in “A Christmas Carol” when Scrooge is dealing with the ghost of things yet to come? The ghost was a reaper. It didn’t speak, it just pointed in the direction it wanted Scrooge to look or where it wanted him to go. The reaper is a scary looking figure. Fear can be a huge motivator too so I think if a figure like that was pointed in a particular direction, I would look too.
As I recall, in the movie, by the time the ghost of things yet to come showed up, Scrooge was paying attention and actually asking the ghost to show him what he was supposed to see. However, In the beginning of his journey, he did not want to have the experience at all and was resistant!
I think sometimes when my demons where trying to show me a direction, all I felt was victimized by the universe. However, when I am able to take responsibility for my reality, I can see that that perceive slight wasn’t an attack on me, but simply good directions.
To be clear, I have had moments in my life where I yelled out, “God, why do you hate me?!” Or I blamed the universe for being against me. Truth is, I either passed it off as my reality or blamed something outside of myself for my situation. It was always something else’s fault why I was going through a struggle.
Now, when I am going through a tough time, I sit quietly and look for the directional sign. I’ve discovered that I usually see an aspect of my own Yin energy standing there patiently waiting for me to pay attention to the way it is pointing me. And usually, it’s back to the center and back to balance. It was pointing me back to the path I was supposed to be taking in the first place.
My lesson: Stop being afraid and pay attention!
Wakey, wakey! It’s your alarm clock speaking! Time to wake up and get some work done!
And what a rude awakening it usually has been!
I can remember when I’m sleeping so soundly and the alarm clock goes off, I can almost immediately tell if I’m on the right path or not.
Let’s see if this sounds familiar. Did you ever roll over and say, “No, not again! I don’t want to get out of bed.” I certainly have.
Have you ever been in a particularly unsettling situation you discovered you did not actually want to be in and say, “Oh s*&T! I have to get out of here immediately.” I have been there too and probably more times than I want to admit.
It’s like the alarms just start simultaneously going off at the same time and I know for a fact that I’m not on the right path.
Perhaps it was a job that I did not want to report to. Perhaps it was a meeting with a person I did not want in my space. Perhaps I woke up somewhere and had the immediate realization that I did not want to remain in that place for another second. Why was I there in the first place?
Here was another opportunity for me to either blame some circumstance on my bad situation or wake up to take a deep dive into what I was personally responsible for that had put me in that position. Then the hard part came because I had to do the tough work to get back on track. Sometimes that required a change of work environment. Perhaps it required a change in the people I spent time with. The work has also included getting rid of some clients, friends, or bad habits.
I don’t know everything, but what I do know is that when I woke up to these realizations, I looked around and nobody was there to do the work for me. It was entirely up to me. What was I going to do?
My lesson: With a little self-awareness (present) and self-reflection (past), I can see where these alarms might pop up in the future.
Drill instructor. Motivator.
I can guarantee that when my demons are fed up with my profound ability to stray off track, they can become some scary sons-a-b*&%#es!
But you know, I’ve never been pushed to the point where I get hurt or can’t recover. Many different religious traditions say that God will give me challenges, but never to the extent that I can’t handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). That’s an excellent motivational message right there!
I can always overcome!
I’ve been in some sticky situations before. I’ve been face down in the mud and I can hear them standing over top of me screaming, “You gonna lay there and cry?! Get up and keep pushing! We can’t allow crybabies to join the warriors!”
I’ve been in the middle of some dangerous challenges where I found myself beat up, exhausted, and questioning my resolve. I can hear them screaming at me, “You gonna quit now? All you gotta do is climb! All you gotta do is jump! All you gotta do is believe in yourself! Are you really that weak? Warriors need to be strong!”
Like I said, they can be scary. Also, for some reason they have a strong, country accent.
My experience is that they will always hit the points that are sensitive, but the points that will leave me with a decision. What do I believe about myself?
I am left with one answer: I can handle it. Keep going.
“By their fruits, ye shall know them.” When it comes to my angels (Yang) and demons (Yin), I can say one thing for sure. They want the best for me. They always help or push me to be a better version of myself. Usually, it’s when I’m resistant to do the work or make a change that they have to start playing hardball with me to get me to move.
My lesson: I chose the struggle because of my prior actions. I can see the drill instructors as my enemies who are there screaming at me while I struggle, or I can see them as motivators to keep me moving in the right direction out of the struggle.
Ally. Friend. Counselor.
I believe that I’ve gotten to a point in my life where my demons don’t have to play hardball as much. It still happens, but the moments are much less intense and do not last as long.
I could say that I’ve come to respect them. I know that if I’m on the wrong path and I have no good reason to be there, they’ll show up.
I know that if a trial or struggle arises, before it gets out of hand, I can look to them for direction. And even better, I can ask my guardian angels for a benevolent outcome for the challenge.
Therein lies the beauty of the Yin Yang concept. It’s my life after all. Everything in perfect balance and harmony. A perfect work of God. That’s me. That’s you. That’s all of us.
“All things work for good for those who love God.” (Romans 8:28) There’s a whole lot of wisdom and information packed perfectly right there in a short piece of the scriptures. ALL THINGS…WORK FOR GOOD…LOVE GOD.
I believe God is the creator of all things and therefore a part of all things and all things a part of God. All things have their purpose, work, and place in the universe. Everything is perfect as it is because it's all a part of God. As we are.
Sometimes I can’t understand that concept in its entirety because regularly the world seems so out-of-control and downright evil sometimes. But the fact that our life is still perfect as it is remains. The cool thing about it is that that is what makes life such a beautiful mystery and adventure as we uncover the truth and are led towards the ultimate goal: discovering God love.
There have been some circumstances where I felt completely out of control of my life. I came across some very thought-provoking material (my favorite!) and it suggested that my demons (or Yin energies) do not work against me. In actuality, it works for me because it’s a part of me.
I’m trying to be a bit more open minded than my own dogmatic upbringing, so I put that to the test.
I started by taking full responsibility for my life and what’s in it. I was able to center myself in prayer and meditation and ask some important questions.
Who am I? What am I doing here? Where am I going?
“Ask and ye shall receive.” Says Jesus. (Matthew 7:7) I got the answers I was listening for.
“Why does my reality look so dark sometimes? Why do I feel so badly about life sometimes?”
The answer that came to me: because you are out of your place in your life.
“Where am I supposed to be?”
The answer that came to me: The center. If I am anywhere else, I’m out of balance, and my power to co-create my peaceful, harmonic life with God is diminished.
My lesson: Stay on track. Stay centered. Trust in God’s perfect creation. Find love in all things. Enjoy my journey!
I do have something to say. And now I believe that if it could help only one person, my efforts are worth it. It all starts at one. The time is now.
To assist my brothers and sisters through their spiritual awakening.
To lead and teach by experience so that others can make informed choices on their unique journey. To be called advisor and friend to those who may feel alone and unable to speak to others for fear of being alienated or labeled "weird" by society.
We are all facing challenges together through this time of chaos.
Now is the time to be alive and awake! You are not alone!
Greg White Jr.
I am a "Florida Country" music Artist- songwriter, family man, Navy Veteran, and a lover of all things creative.